My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
