I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
