so that wasnt chicken after all
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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