you would pick up someone in the library
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
