The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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