Your face is a jimmy john
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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