I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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