You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
