i just made my gag reflex go away.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
