so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
