Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
