I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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