I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
