Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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