umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
