I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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