we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
