Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
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