Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
