Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
