I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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