took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
