Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize