i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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