You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
