Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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