So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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