oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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