remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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