I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
