god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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