i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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