I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
