can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
