was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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