During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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