i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
