Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
