I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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