Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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