Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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