Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
