Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
