i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
