I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
