Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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