So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
