well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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