My nipple is on Facebook.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
