I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize