I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
