My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
