I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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