i don't like sucking hair
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
