you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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