It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
