TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
