So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
