no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm at about main and main street
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
