It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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