The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
