Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
