I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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