I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
