im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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