tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
