seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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