You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
