Jerry, you need to find god
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
