I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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